Manglers March Toward Defeat and Oblivion ... but they deserve more than being thrown out of office by the electorate

Mac MacArthur

Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2000 -- MIAMI (AmpolNS)

This morning, cable news is obsessed by the GOP's not-so-subliminal commercial that labels so-called bureaucrats -- or is it Democrats -- "RATS."

About the only other race they're even bothering to talk about is Hillary Clinton's race against cowlicked child-congressman Rick Lazio.

Well, folks, don't forget those damned "House Managers" -- or Manglers, as I called them over the past two years and still prefer to call them.

They attempted to :

• Destroy a family - including a girl of 16 at the time, Chelsea Clinton.

• Overthrow a government -- quite violently, in my opinion.

• Act as a lynch mob to destroy the balance of power in American government and the integrity of the White House because of a mistake -- the type of mistake committed by 87% of all American males, including all but one of the House Manglers -- who is closeted with a far greater problem.

Almost all of these swine are running for re-election -- and Howdy Doody look-alike Bill McCollum actually has the cheek to run for the U.S. Senate in Florida.

I have a word for you Floridians -- shout out loud and clear that America, and particularly Florida, does not cotton to midget Neonazis like McCollum. Throw him out of office altogether.

And as far as California Congress-fascist Jim Rogan is concerned, he's finished.

I hear tell that the "House Managers PAC" (you just have to wonder which moron came up with that name) had to cancel its -- get this -- "TRIBUTE TO KEN STARR," supposedly a fundraiser to save these devil's asses.

Well, guess what? The Gestapo had to cancel their little fundraiser because the most despised man in America -- Ken Starr -- isn't what you'd call a big ticket these days. The little slimeball sits in his home these days yearning for that bygone time when he could waltz by his trash cans in the driveway, wave to the press, and lie about a "search for the truth" and the "rule of law."

As far as the House Manglers are concerned, every one of them should be indicted for abuse of process, sedition and other federal crimes, including violations of Civil Rights law, post haste.

Of course, this won't happen, because they probably have "FILES" on every powerful Democrat which they would trot out at a moment's notice in a cheap, Stalinesque attempt to destroy yet another human being.

But then, what more would you expect?

Take the New Texas Achievement Test!

Dave Gibbons

Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2000 (AmpolNS)

Governor Dubya has produced astonishing improvements in Texas students' test scores, particularly among minorities. Confused by critics' charges that the tests have been dumbed down ("Dubya'd down") to artificially increase scores, Bush released this copy of the new test.

Can you out-think the Texas students whose pollution-addled brains have to deal with this test?   Try it!

• Words - How is "Texas" spelled?
  a. Texas
  b. Wyoming
  c. Tzpht

• Counting - If Juan has 2 burritos and Juanita has 1 burrito, and each burrito costs $1, what is 2+1?
  a. 3
  b. Wyoming
  c. 21

• How many boots does the average man wear? (assume no farming or industrial accidents)
  a. 2
  b. Chevrolet
  c. 9

• Science - What color is air?
  a. kind of see-through brown
  b. bagel
  c. 9

• If a mosquito bit a dinosaur and got trapped in amber, then they used the DNA in the blood to make a dinosaur today, wouldn't it be cool?
  a. yes
  b. Wyoming
  c. fish

• If a tornada comes, which of these things should you hide under?
  a. the desk
  b. Wyoming
  c. a giant glass-and-razorblade sculpture

• History - President John F. Kennedy was shot to death in Texas. Isn't that cool?
  a. yes
  b. avacado
  c. Ralph Lauren

• Which of these states was purchased as part of the Louisiana Purchase?
  a. Louisiana
  b. Norway
  c. April

• Places - Where is Texas?
  a. Texas
  b. North Dakota
  c. Africa

• If you live and work in Texas but the law requires you to live somewhere else, where do you pretend to live? (assume "Mexico" is not an answer)
  a. Wyoming
  b. Wyoming
  c. Wyoming

• Key :
  1: a, sometimes b
  2: a
  3: a
  4: a
  5: a
  6: a
  7: a
  8: a
  9: a
  10: a, b, or c

Scoring : Give yourself 1 point for each correct answer.

1-2 points - Good enough! I hear Yale calling!
3-4 points - Purty good! Ever thought about speechwriting?
5-6 points - Durn good! You will not be left behind.
7-8 points - Just really good! Really!
9-10 points - Smartypants! Trying to show up your brothers, huh?

Daddy doesn't care. He's never satisfied! Ever! He's even proud of Neil, but you'll never measure up!

Special AmPol Bonus :

Name two famous political families where three brothers were very successful, two brothers were embarrassing, and one brother was really embarrassing?

a. Bush and Kennedy
b. Bush and Wyoming
c. Bush and Menendez

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